Exploit: Use the fraternity/sorority for personal gain, but at the expense of the good of the chapter.

- Resume builder

- Meet girls

- Big parties

- Want a leadership position on campus

- Consumer mentality: What can I get out of this?

People leave the fraternity/sorority when the benefits stop rolling in.

Assimilate: Conforming to a fraternity/sorority for its benefit, but at the expense of the good of yourself.

- You do what the fraternity does

- You desire what it desires

- If everyone drinks, you drink. If you everyone smokes, you smoke.

- If there is a tradition of hazing, you follow that tradition.

As you conform and assimilate, the chapter may appear to be in good condition (no one fighting, everyone following the expectations, etc.) but it is a false good. Things may appear to be good because the chapter is being sustained and the traditions are being upheld, but is the chapter being transformed? Probably not. Are you as an individual becoming more of who you were created to be? Or are you trying to be what the chapter wants you to be?

Transform: Redeeming the fraternity/sorority for your good and the good of the chapter.

- You don’t conform to look like everyone else, but you bring your own unique personality to the table. Diversity is beautiful.

- You don’t join the fraternity to get, but to give. Things change when people take action. Things don’t change when Greeks simply go to the chapter meetings and parties. Sacrifice and hard work bring about transformation.

- People who redeem things can see both the good and the bad. Redeeming your fraternity/sorority involves acknowledging and praising the good, but it also means acknowledging the bad and then seeking to bring restoration.

- Some people only see the good (too positive). Some people only see the bad (too negative). Neither of these will bring about transformation!

Rather than exploiting your Greek House for your gain or conforming to the culture for its gain, seek to transform your Greek House by using your unique personality and talents to praise the good and restore the bad.

1. They are able to sort out and define what matters. These influentials can sift through all the noise and clutter and determine what’s important. Then, they follow through on what they believe are the top priorities. They don’t get lost in the mundane.

2. They are more optimistic than the average person. Influential people believe the future is bright and consequently, they plan to engage in it. Their dreams are bigger than their memories, and they live with the hope of an amazing 21st century.

3. They are selective and discriminating in their choices. People listen to these influentials because they scrutinize their decisions, skeptical of empty promises in the media. They’re not Pollyannas. They’re discerning as they plan what to do or buy.

4. They are authentic; they don’t just follow the norm but think for themselves. These “influentials” don’t merely follow he crowd. They carve out a life that suits their identity and aren’t afraid to live a life that is a bit different than mainstream society.

5. They are good listeners and are very teachable. According to research, these influentials list good listening skills as a high goal for themselves, especially if they’re in leadership positions. Although they know a lot, they listen to learn more.

6. They believe in God and are active in serving their communities. More than the average person, influentials believe in God and claim to have a relationship with Him. Consequently, they are active in serving voluntarily in their communities and churches.

7. They value education and believe it is key to the future. These influential folks place a high value on education. Most of them are college educated and want the same for their children. They believe it is key to the “good life” and realizing dreams.

8. They demand a job that is interesting, enjoyable and contributes to society. They want a job that’s defined by three criteria: interesting to perform, enjoyable to them and one that benefits or adds value to society at large. Work must benefit others not just generate a profit.

9. They are visionaries, and keepers of society’s high ideals. They possess a vision of tomorrow and it helps them maintain hope. They tend to dream and hold fast to society’s highest ideals and values. People lean on them to remind others of the big picture.

10. They feel they’re responsible to their communities and the world around them. This was interesting. Far and away, these influentials are most likely to feel responsible to their communities. They cannot just “live and let live.” They believe they are accountable to others.

11. They define success as loving and be loved by their family. Along with their spiritual beliefs, they define success not with money, but as loving their spouse and kids.

SIGNS TO LOOK FOR

So what are the marks of maturity? We all love it when we see a young person who carries themselves well and shows signs of being mature. They interact with adults in an adult manner. Those kinds of students are downright refreshing. Let me give you a list of what I consider to be the marks of maturity. At “Growing Leaders” we seek to build these marks in young people, ages 16-24, as we partner with schools. This certainly isn’t an exhaustive list, but it is a list of characteristics I notice in young people who are unusually mature, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. If you are a parent–this is a good list of qualities to begin developing in your child. If you are a coach, or a teacher, or a dean–these are the signs we wish every student possessed when they graduate. For that matter, these are signs I wish every adult modeled for the generation coming behind them.

1. They are able to keep long-term commitments.
One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it.

2. They are unshaken by flattery or criticism.
As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.

3. They possess a spirit of humility.
Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.

4. Their decisions are based on character not feelings.
Mature people–students or adults–live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.

5. They express gratitude consistently.
I have found the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world’s population.

6. They prioritize others before themselves.
A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.

7. They seek wisdom before acting.
Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from God. Only the wise seek wisdom.

1) What has been your biggest frustration in leading your fraternity?

The most frustrating aspect of leading my fraternity is the overwhelming lack of responsibility, lethargy and lack of interest in seeing the fraternity grow. The student body at one point looked at the Greek community as the group of student leaders in the university’s student body. Now? Well, it’s a little different unfortunately. I am trying to slowly change that in my fraternity.

2) What has been the most fulfilling aspect of leading your fraternity?

The most fulfilling aspect of leading my fraternity has been the sense of organization and people skills I have picked up from it. I have learned to deal with all types of people in all stages of their lives to be able to get tasks done. I think that it has shown me a lot about people in general as well as shown me that although I am an engineer… I am much more designed for management to interact with people.

3) What can the active members do to make your job more fulfilling?

The active members could be more ambitious. Their lack of interest in important things (other than drinking)… is frustrating. It is also frustrating to hear people say that the president position doesn’t do anything either – that it’s just something to put on the resume. Yet it’s the position that gets put onto the line if something goes wrong in the house and police get involved. And it is the position that in essence makes sure the chapter operates well – gets things done, etc.

Do you pride yourself on being busy? Our American culture slaps you on the back and gives you a warm grin every time you say the phrase “I’m really busy.” These pats on the back from our parents, friends, and teachers give us enough fuel to keep up busy life.

However, your beat-up exhausted body will tell you otherwise. The lack of sleep and endless lists of tasks to perform are not a pat on the back – rather a heaven burden on your shoulders.

For you over-achieving Greek leaders out there, don’t worry. My solution is not to stop leading – but I will tell you how to delegate, which will help take some of the pressure off you. Delegating is the art of leading smart. The list bellow will help you to diagnose why you don’t delegate and give you some good advice on how to get started.

If you can’t or don’t delegate things…

1) YOU MAY BE A PROCRASTINATOR

If you put all of your tasks off till last minute, you will end up having to do everything yourself.

Key Problem: Laziness, Doing too much, Lack of time management

Key Advice: Pick a specific, consistent time during the beginning of the week to list out all your tasks for the week and pick out which ones can be delegated.

2) YOU MAY LACK THE VISION TO SEE THE POTENTIAL IN PEOPLE

If you don’t want to delegate certain tasks to certain people, you are probably pessimistic about their ability to lead or become a good leader.

Key Problem: Pride, Care more about quality than personal development

Key Advice: Delegating develops people even though there may be a lack of quality for a short period of time.

3) YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT CAN BE DELEGATED

If you don’t know which tasks can be delegated, then you won’t delegate them.

Key Problem: Ignorance

Key Advice: Do what only you can do. Ask yourself, is there anyone else that can do this task in my fraternity or sorority? If so, delegate it. If not, do it! If you are President, you are not going to go pick up trash bags for a highway clean up project. Anyone can do that task! However, if your Greek house gets in trouble and you need to see the Greek adviser, you aren’t going to send a new member. That is only something you can do.

4) YOU MAY THINK IT IS EASIER TO JUST DO YOURSELF

Often times, it will take a half-hour to an hour to explain a task to someone so it feels like a waste of time. So, you just do it yourself!

Key Problem: Laziness, Being a people-pleaser

Key Advice: Investing in training people will take more time in the beginning, but will you save you a lot more time in the end. You may have to get over your fear of asking others to do something for you. People-pleasers, who don’t like to delegate will always be under a lot of stress.

As I began to consider the sacrifice of Jesus for the good of mankind, my mind suddenly turned to the men He left to continue His work. I examined my own life, as a Sigma Chi, a Christian and, through this website, a man called to help other Greeks with their issues both in their lives and in their chapters. While the famed expression “WWJD” has in the past primarily applied to moral and ethical concerns, its implications for leadership should not be ignored.

In a sense, today’s Greek organizations have much in common with the Apostles. They were charged with preserving and spreading the message of their order by their leaders when those leaders left. They identified each other from outsiders by a set of secret signs and symbols, and they met in complete obscurity. While alive, they were ridiculed by the majority, but the faithful they attracted stood by them in unflinching loyalty. They acted according to a set of literature which unambiguously declared the rules by which they would live, and while some may pervert or only pay lip service to those ideals now, there are others who keep the faith and hold those standards dearer than any other.

If we imagine the Apostles as a fraternity, then obviously Jesus becomes the model for perfect leadership of that fraternity. What, exactly, did Jesus get so right that people were willing to go through the persecutions of Acts for Him?

Jesus proved Himself early, but was patient with His doubters (John 20:24-29).
Although Jesus performed nine miracles while alive, Thomas still doubted He had risen, with pretty good reason; after all, it’s a pretty unusual thing. Instead of being justifiably angry, He simply opened His robe and proved it to Thomas. Good leaders strive eternally to prove themselves, and they accept the burden of doubt as an opportunity to create confidence.

Jesus handled His social presence and the duties He had to His message without letting one cloud the other (John 2:3-5).
When a wedding party at Cana ran out of wine, Jesus turned pots of water into wine. While certainly a generous act, it goes much deeper than that. Jesus saw his social appearances as a chance to spread His message in a casual, friendly fashion; He recognized that heavier discussions were for another time.

Jesus was a kind man, but He got tough in the face of corruption (John 2:13-16).
Jesus loved without end, but He recognized when peace would not be the answer. When the money-changers had turned the temple at Jerusalem into a marketplace, He turned the people out and kicked over the tables. He wouldn’t stand for a house of God to be a “house of merchandise”, and He made that clear in a way a lecture couldn’t. There are times for subtlety and patient discussion, and times for radicalism; a good leader knows the difference.

Though He was the cleanest of all, Jesus stood by the darkest of sinners when the world was against them (John 7:53-8:11).
Jesus was pure, sinless, the most moral of many who claimed that crown. However, when the people came to stone a woman who had committed adultery, Jesus stepped into the fray, famously asking for whoever was sinless to cast a stone before any others. By so doing, He caused all who were ready to condemn another to consider their own sins, and asked of them the courage to forgive her. Good leaders must stand by their own, even when they do something wrong.

Jesus chose among the riffraff those who would best carry His message; that said, He by no means limited His interaction to those people.
Jesus knew He needed strong people to spread the Word when His time on earth was done, and he chose twelve. He knew they would work tirelessly to advance His work; for that reason, they became His most trusted associates. However, He still kept His heart open to all the people with whom He came into contact. Your fraternity or sorority should include your best and most trusted friends, but that doesn’t mean you shut the door to the rest of the world; in doing that, you would allow them to decide their opinion of you completely absent of any evidence provided on your part, which will more than lead to the Animal House stereotype.

Though Jesus was the master, He dedicated His life to the service of His people and His message (John 19:30).
The final words of Christ on the cross were, “It is finished.” His life, His work, and His reason for being came down to this final moment when, prostrate on a cross, He would sacrifice Himself for the good of the world. Your purpose as a leader is to advance the interests of the order of which you have the honor of being a member. This obligation does not end with graduation or the end of your term in office; you must always strive to conform to that noblest and best standard of humanity.

Anthony is a sophomore Sigma Chi formerly of Jacksonville University, currently applying to several institutions. He enjoys writing, the arts, and being a Sigma Chi. He is currently majoring in English with a focus on Film and plans to graduate in the Spring or Fall of 2009.

In the first installment, I discussed how to program the kind of rush that would appeal to the persons of good character necessary for the continued life and good reputation of a Greek organization. In this essay, I will discuss how to recognize and recruit these people when they’re not at rush, and identify them when they are.

Increase campus visibility in a positive fashion.

On my bid night, our vice president asked me and my 25 pledge brothers, by show of hands, how many knew they were planning to go Greek when they arrived on campus, a question he repeated to the brothers. Six hands went up—pledges and brothers combined. The lesson here is clear: you’re only going to get so many people to come out for rush, and their reasons may not always be pure.

If you want to find good people, you have to be where they are. Encourage every brother to be involved in campus clubs, and take leadership positions if possible (you should be encouraging that anyway, in the quest for well-rounded individuals). Get involved in Freshman Orientation in any way possible, preferably as official volunteers. The first day of freshman move-ins, round up a few members, wear your letters, and offer help to the freshmen with the move. Be searching for quality men or women in your classes and activities. Everywhere a potential recruit looks, let him see an upstanding individual, and see the right letters on his or her shirt.

Don’t be afraid to make a push for big numbers in the recruitment period.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Focus on quality rather than quantity.” When it comes to selecting your membership, there’s no idea in the world which deserves more attention. However, it should be important to recognize that quantity drives quality; if you have a lot of people to choose from, you can be more selective in the people to whom you extend a bid. Then, you’ll be more likely to fulfill any suggested quantity guidelines without bidding subpar men or women. Make sure your rush is well-advertised, and if necessary, go door-to-door in the dorms asking people to come out to rush.

Make each recruit verbally qualify him or herself.

As rush winds down and you’re preparing for bid voting, you should have a good idea of each rushee’s character; of course, with the restraints of time and (hopefully) the high volume of people to consider, it’s hard to know all of them well enough to make a decision. At some point, you’re going to need to stop beating around the bush and ask, point-blank, “Why do you want to be a [your-name-here]?”

This question serves a dual purpose. First, it helps you to figure out which recruits are for real by forcing them to identify their real reasons for joining. Second, it will allow them to figure out what they’re looking for in a fraternity or sorority, which (if it’s the right fit after all) will increase their enthusiasm for your organization.

It’s important to remember, however, that this isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker; you’re putting guys on the spot with this, and some with lesser communications skills may not be able to fully articulate their thoughts. If you get the wrong answer, i.e. “I like hanging out with you guys” or “I really don’t know anyone here and you guys seem pretty popular” from someone who’s proved him or herself in other ways, don’t sweat it.

Recognize that the most enthusiastic rushee does not equal the best person for your organization.

If you’ve set yourself up for success, you’re going to have a lot of people who want in on that. Some of them will be desperate for such success, and will show great enthusiasm for your fraternity or sorority. Unfortunately, that can never be taken to mean that that person is right for your organization. He or she may be willing to do anything to get your attention for the wrong reasons and may lack a sense of the group’s vision. If that’s the case, he doesn’t need to be a part of it, regardless of how painful it may be to tell him no.

Anthony is a sophomore Sigma Chi formerly of Jacksonville University, currently applying to several institutions. He enjoys writing, the arts, and being a Sigma Chi. He is currently majoring in English with a focus on Film and plans to graduate in the Spring or Fall of 2009.

What encourages you the most?

I am passionate about a few things. One of my obsessions is college football. I went to school at the University of Oklahoma so that’s my team. I am the guy in my group of friends that knows all the different players, where they are from, and their blood type. Well, I don’t know the blood types of all the players, but you get the idea. Saturdays are kind of like a football buffet. I try to watch as many games as I possibly can. It’s especially fun to watch my team when something like this happen:

OU vs. Texas 2001

However, it’s a little bit less satisfying to watch a finish like this one:

OU vs. BSU 2007

I love watching football and I get a lot of enjoyment from it. Interestingly, I have noticed that what really makes my enjoyment of Oklahoma football complete is actually hearing other people (media, fans of other teams) compliment, affirm, and praise the accomplishments of my Sooners.Over time, I’ve realized that this isn’t isolated to just this one area of my life. It is a general truth about me that my enjoyment of everything is enhanced by the affirmation of others. I think the reason this is true is because naturally I deeply value the perspective of others. That’s why the thing that encourages me the most is when I receive positive affirmation and recognition from others.

I especially desire it when I have put a lot of myself into a leadership role, task, or project. Then, more than ever, the affirmation and praise of others leads to me being encouraged and excited about what I have done. I don’t think that this is vanity, but rather it is my natural tendency to judge things based on how others react to them.

There are some huge implications for leadership. I believe the most encouraging thing that we can do for those that we are leading is to verbally affirm and encourage them.

The best part is that it is so easy to do, isn’t time consuming, and costs nothing.

The worst part is that we still don’t do it nearly enough.

Jack Welch is famous for turning around the world’s biggest company – General Electric. 60 minutes did a special on him to highlight what he did that made such a difference and one of the main things he attributed it to was that he had time set aside in his schedule to write notes of encouragement and affirmation to employees.

Being able to affirm others is an important part of leadership in any organization, but it is also a huge part of just being an encouraging person to be around.

Here are some really practical ways to put this into action:

Deliberately look for things that others do well. Then be deliberate about encouraging and affirming them.

Believe the best in others. Focus on the things that they do well and not their shortcomings.

Be honest. By being genuine when you do give praise, your words will be much more meaningful.

Mike Beckham is an alum of the Sigma Phi Epsilon chapter at the University of Oklahoma. As an undergraduate he earned a degree in finance. Currently he is a staff member with Campus Crusade for Christ at OU. He also serves as the chapter counselor for Sig Ep.

Recruiting is the most important responsibility of any collegiate organization, and even more so in a fraternity or sorority. Greek organizations exist as largely social functions, and very little intervention occurs on the part of the university in the pledge selection process; therefore, if you want members that will uphold the honor of your organization, you’ll have to find them yourself.

Recruiting pledges that truly embody the ideals of your organization is a process of two major steps: clearly presenting the values and educational benefits of your organization, and then identifying those prospective members who will contribute to that vision. This article will focus on the first step. Shaping your organization into an upstanding and successful one shouldn’t be too hard; if it’s not, you shouldn’t be there anyway. With that in mind, the focus should be on making sure rushees see the absolute best side of your fraternity or sorority, a move comprised of a few simple but potentially challenging steps:

Plan a rush that focuses on your values rather than the social aspect.

Everyone else is taking rushees to the informal activities and “invite-only” parties. Informal social interaction is vital to finding out if they’re right for you and you’re right for them, but it shouldn’t take up more than three days of your week. If you are a values-based organization, the persistence of the organization is dependent on recruiting members who can identify with and be identified by those values. Plan an informative Q&A, focusing on what separates one assortment of Greek Letters from the next. Also, include alumni in as many of the recruitment activities as is feasible. The benefits of Greek membership extend beyond the undergraduate experience and an effective recruitment allows the rushees to see this firsthand.

Institute a dry rush if it’s not required by your school or headquarters; encourage full compliance if it is.

This rule is already set by most schools and organizations as it applies to formal rush activities, but your standard of sobriety should go well past that minimum. As I’ve maintained throughout this process, rush is not a five-hour, one-week event; potential recruits are going to feel the need to hang out with you and get a feel for who they want to call siblings. And you want whoever is giving them that idea to be coherent enough to explain to them what it all means. Never forget that you’re working against deeply ingrained stereotypes of Greek Life, and the only way to overcome those stereotypes is to establish more positive ones based on the consistent conduct of your members.

Quiz your entire organization on your literature; make sure everyone knows everything, verbatim.

Any organization has its Creed/Standard/Motto/Slogan on the chapter wall or in a pledge book on the shelf for the world to see; truly effective Greek organizations ensure their members understand and embrace their founding literature. And everyone around will notice the difference. Besides the recruitment edge it gives for rushees to see how committed you are to your values, it gives another distinct advantage: a chance to reconnect with and re-forge those commitments.

Anthony is a sophomore Sigma Chi formerly of Jacksonville University, currently applying to several institutions. He enjoys writing, the arts, and being a Sigma Chi. He is currently majoring in English with a focus on Film and plans to graduate in the Spring or Fall of 2009.

Go back in time with me to a couple years ago. We’re getting out of our car and walking up towards the movie theatre with an excitement level so high that people walking past us must stop and stare. We buy our tickets, run up to the guy who makes sure we paid, give him a huge high five, contemplate a chest bump but refrain. We are in our seats and then across the screen appears the title…The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love it, period. The action is mesmerizing, the characters are inspiring and the story is awesome. My favorite character in the movie is Aragon, the lone ranger who is destined to reclaim the throne as King of the Realm of Man. The third installment of the trilogy gives us the tale of the final chapter in his quest to become king. Throughout this story we find three important traits in Aragon that make for a very effective leader.

Pride is defined as a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. In other words, it means to be proud. How many things do you take pride in? One thing I take pride in, off the top of my head, are the Philadelphia Eagles. I like to wear t-shirts and jackets that display their logo and colors whereever I go. I’m sure you’d do the same for your favorite sports team. I also have pride in my chapter. I would hope that whoever reads this is definitely proud to be a brother or sister of their respected chapters. Pride definitely is very beneficial to leading your chapter down the path you have set forth. But pride by itself can be detrimental.

Character is defined as the assemblage of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing. This is probably very familiar to you and regarded as a decent characteristic of one’s personality. Ask yourself what are some of your character traits that you think stand out in a group setting. What would another person on your executive committee or even your group of friends say about your character? Think about it for a minute. Got them?

Humility is described as being not proud or arrogant. What do you think being a humble person means in your own words? I’ll be honest, I get the picture of a weak “Mr. Nice Guy” type person who lets people walk all over him. What do you picture? Now, obviously this is the complete opposite of pride and they should not be mentioned together in the same article to make a point about a strong and developed leader. “C’mon Paul, give us a break!” you might say. Well meditate on this idea for a second.

Pride, Character and Humility are all displayed very intensely in Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings. He has a great deal of pride in what he is doing or he wouldn’t be fighting for men! He has very respectable character, so much so that other kings see it and praise it. Finally this great warrior king that has great pride and good character has enough humility to bow to one knee in front of four hobbits that are not even half his size. Do you see the picture now?

Being a leader in your house does not merely entail you to be overly prideful, or a respectable guy, or a nice leader who isn’t mean. It’s a healthy combination of all three. As a leader in your chapter you should have enough pride in the house so that you are proud to be a brother or sister, have good character so that your brothers or sisters respect you enough to vote you into leadership, and finally you should have humility in the sense that you will have no hesitation bowing to the “hobbits” of your house. Combine these three traits, and you’ll be surprised as to how much progress your chapter makes.